Kate McCann "more driven than ever" to find Madeleine

poppyfox wrote:I was in an abusive marriage for 20 years and it took a lot of courage to Break away and start over. I was tormented mentally and verbally daily until I believed that I was fat,ugly,useless .......etc. I have been seeing a counsellor for nearly 4 years and it was thanks to her that I finally broke free from my domestic hell. Even though it's 3 years since we separated my ex husband still hounds and bullies me but thankfully I am a different person now and it no longer makes me a quivering nervous wreck.  Unless you've been a victim of domestic violence it can be hard to understand why a person puts up with it. I used to believe that Kate was a domestic abuse victim as Gerry seems be be a vicious wee bully boy but she's just as bad as him.

I am humbled by your post.
I do not pretend to understand how it works within a relationship, since I am a man, and a retired cop, and see things in Black and white, and in legal terms

But it is that very lack of deep understanding which leads to the police categorising "domestic violence" as something that will occur every Sunday at 2.30
when the woman will make a sort of statement, then refuse to go ahead, and will refuse to give evidence at a trial . . .
and the following Sunday . . . .

How the police are expected to make sense of this, how the Social services and the Women's Refuges are suppose to deal with it . . I have still no idea.
What are they all to DO ?
How can they help ?

Thank you PeterMac. I did report it to the Police but unfortunately my ex works for them so I knew they would believe his account over mine as he said that I was mentally unstable. My abuse began when I woke up in the morning until I went to bed at night, it was never ending. My biggest regret is letting my children watch him abuse me, I wish that I'd had courage to walk away sooner. My life now is much happier and I'm free of his controlling ways. It has cost me my two teenage kids who took his side and went to live with him. They now try to bully me but I won't accept their behaviour so they refuse to visit me. I have my 9 year old son living with me and when he comes home from visiting his Dad he tells me all the nasty names my ex still calls me to him. This to me is unacceptable as I Refuse to bad mouth his Dad to him.
I find that the abusers are simply angry cowards who hurt others so that they can feel better about themselves. I have forgiven my ex and refuse to let my past ruin my future.

Horrible, head up high poppyfox, your a VERY STRONG woman xx

Sorry to keep the thread off topic, but this seems more important than Kate McCann.

Would a women's refuge have been of any use ?
What help could others have offered ?
If he had been arrested would you have given evidence against him, knowing that he might not get a custodial sentence - which I think is one of the background issues

I did go to Womans Aid PeterMac but I didn't find much help with my situation. My ex husband tried to snatch my son and I ended up in a Woman's Refuge for 6 days on the advice from my solicitor and the Police. He was arrested for making threats against me and I did make a statement but unfortunately I wasn't strong enough to go ahead with it as I was terrified of him. My family didn't believe me (but my friends did) so why would the courts?? He has tried on several occasions to get custody by making up lies to Social Services. These were malicious slurs and he was proved to be a liar. He lost his temper with one of the Social Workers in her office and her supervisor had to go into her office to see if she needed security to remove him. He has been warned if he makes any more malicious allegations that he will be the one facing charges. I find it disgusting that he has tried to use our 3 kids as a weapon to destroy me.

My ex reminds me of Gerry as he too is a cowardly bully.,IMO. They think they are God and that everyone should jump when they say so. Everyone thought my ex was a great man until his mask finally slipped and they could see the hate and anger pouring out from him. My family have apologised for not being there for me when I was going through hell. These men can hide their evil ways for so long but one day they can't help but show their true faces. I actually pity my ex as we could have had a brilliant life together but he couldn't change his controlling,bullying ways. These men appear to be the perfect gentlemen towards you until they have you trapped in their web then they suddenly change into your worse nightmare. I unfortunately will never be able to have a relationship as I couldn't trust another man again. His mental and verbal abuse has scarred me forever and while I can forgive I cannot forget.

Thank you Dogs don't lie, I am now a very strong woman but I still have days that I cry over the past. I wish my ex no ill will and hope he can find happiness but unfortunately he cannot let me go. I am looking forward to a happy future with my wee son and hopefully someday soon my other 2 kids will join us.

Thankfully I got out of my abusive marriage but how many other women are trapped with these wicked men? I feel sorry for anyone trapped in an abusive relationship as it's extremely hard to walk away. These women need support,understanding and the courage to finally say No More!! I also want to add that men can be victims too of domestic violence and it can be even harder for them as their abusers are women who are thought to be not capable of this. There should be more awareness that Domestic Abuse does not always mean physical violence.

God Bless all victims and survivors of abuse.

Respect poppyfox.

Seconded.

Thank you for being so kind.  

I am no saint but no woman should be scared in her own home. There should be more help available for domestic abuse victims and I am hoping that when my own problems are sorted that I could become a counsellor. My biggest gripe is that the children are used as weapons to hurt the victim. Does the abuser not realise what damage he is doing to his children? The children should also receive help in understanding what has happened. I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse and I now realise how my ex husband picked up on this vulnerability. I am extremely thankful that I have an excellent counsellor,through the NHS,who finally showed me that I was strong enough to leave and that I deserved a better life.
I have again just donated £5 to Sn Amaral's fund as I went without my usual Chinese takeaway on Saturday night. This man is a true gentleman in my eyes as he is standing up for truth and justice. He is a hero who is fighting for Madeleine Beth McCann, a wee girl he never knew and who never got to celebrate her 4th Birthday. Unfortunately I think Madeleine was a victim of abuse and neglect. When I look at her in photos I recognise the same dead,hopeless eyes which I too had. I hope someday soon that the guilty are brought to face charges and that Sn Amaral is exonerated.

My wee son and I are going to Portugal on 1st July so we have something good to look forward to. I hope to go to 5A and the Tapas bar just to see where this all began 8 years ago.

poppyfox wrote:Thank you for being so kind.  

I am no saint but no woman should be scared in her own home. There should be more help available for domestic abuse victims and I am hoping that when my own problems are sorted that I could become a counsellor. My biggest gripe is that the children are used as weapons to hurt the victim. Does the abuser not realise what damage he is doing to his children? The children should also receive help in understanding what has happened. I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse and I now realise how my ex husband picked up on this vulnerability. I am extremely thankful that I have an excellent counsellor,through the NHS,who finally showed me that I was strong enough to leave and that I deserved a better life.
I have again just donated £5 to Sn Amaral's fund as I went without my usual Chinese takeaway on Saturday night. This man is a true gentleman in my eyes as he is standing up for truth and justice. He is a hero who is fighting for Madeleine Beth McCann, a wee girl he never knew and who never got to celebrate her 4th Birthday. Unfortunately I think Madeleine was a victim of abuse and neglect. When I look at her in photos I recognise the same dead,hopeless eyes which I too had. I hope someday soon that the guilty are brought to face charges and that Sn Amaral is exonerated.

My wee son and I are going to Portugal on 1st July so we have something good to look forward to. I hope to go to 5A and the Tapas bar just to see where this all began 8 years ago.

Hold his hand tight the bogey man is still at large.

poppyfox wrote:Thank you for being so kind.  

I am no saint but no woman should be scared in her own home. There should be more help available for domestic abuse victims and I am hoping that when my own problems are sorted that I could become a counsellor. My biggest gripe is that the children are used as weapons to hurt the victim. Does the abuser not realise what damage he is doing to his children? The children should also receive help in understanding what has happened. I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse and I now realise how my ex husband picked up on this vulnerability. I am extremely thankful that I have an excellent counsellor,through the NHS,who finally showed me that I was strong enough to leave and that I deserved a better life.
I have again just donated £5 to Sn Amaral's fund as I went without my usual Chinese takeaway on Saturday night. This man is a true gentleman in my eyes as he is standing up for truth and justice. He is a hero who is fighting for Madeleine Beth McCann, a wee girl he never knew and who never got to celebrate her 4th Birthday. Unfortunately I think Madeleine was a victim of abuse and neglect. When I look at her in photos I recognise the same dead,hopeless eyes which I too had. I hope someday soon that the guilty are brought to face charges and that Sn Amaral is exonerated.

My wee son and I are going to Portugal on 1st July so we have something good to look forward to. I hope to go to 5A and the Tapas bar just to see where this all began 8 years ago.

I agree Madeleine was a victim of neglect and abuse Poppyfox. In time maybe you should think about becoming a Councillor yourself, with what you have experienced just think what help you could be to other women. Good on you I say.

poppyfox wrote:Thank you for being so kind.  

I am no saint but no woman should be scared in her own home. There should be more help available for domestic abuse victims and I am hoping that when my own problems are sorted that I could become a counsellor. My biggest gripe is that the children are used as weapons to hurt the victim. Does the abuser not realise what damage he is doing to his children? The children should also receive help in understanding what has happened. I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse and I now realise how my ex husband picked up on this vulnerability. I am extremely thankful that I have an excellent counsellor,through the NHS,who finally showed me that I was strong enough to leave and that I deserved a better life.
I have again just donated £5 to Sn Amaral's fund as I went without my usual Chinese takeaway on Saturday night. This man is a true gentleman in my eyes as he is standing up for truth and justice. He is a hero who is fighting for Madeleine Beth McCann, a wee girl he never knew and who never got to celebrate her 4th Birthday. Unfortunately I think Madeleine was a victim of abuse and neglect. When I look at her in photos I recognise the same dead,hopeless eyes which I too had. I hope someday soon that the guilty are brought to face charges and that Sn Amaral is exonerated.

My wee son and I are going to Portugal on 1st July so we have something good to look forward to. I hope to go to 5A and the Tapas bar just to see where this all began 8 years ago.

You have my respect and admiration for having the courage to rise above your situation. No one should judge another person till you have walked a mile in their shoes. You will regain the love and trust of your other children one day by remaining dignified in your silence and your young son will grow up respecting women because of you.
I wish you well in your intent to become a councillor which will not only help others but be part of your own healing.
Regards.

Caricature, I won't be letting go off his wee hand or leaving him alone in a strange apartment even though he is a sensible 9 year old. Portugal is a beautiful country and the people are so friendly, I love it! Thank you,Chirpy Insect, I pray that my son grows up to never abuse or bully anyone but is loving, generous and well adjusted. Costello, I believe Madeleine was abused and that's why there could be no body. Out of the two McCanns I, personally, think Gerry is the worse, he's the boss and no one would dare go against him. IMO he is a narcissist,evil psychopath who thinks he's got away with Murder. I wonder if he could be violent as the bruises on Kate's arms were definitely not made by hitting the bed. If Kate was being abused by Gerry, who could she turn to? Her and Gerry will have to stay together forever no matter how bad things get, maybe this a hell of their own making?? I feel sorry for the twins having to live in a toxic home and hope they never take their anger out on the children.

PeterMac I think if my case had have been handled by sympathetic women Police Officers I may have been given more support to go ahead and press charges. When I made my complaint I felt that these male Police Officers didn't really understand what I was suffering or believe that I was terrified of my ex husband. My ex was arrested and taken out of our house in handcuffs laughing and joking with these Officers. I also think there should be a department that specifically deals with domestic violence and maybe a support officer that can help with the victim and their family. Information leaflets describing the different types of abuse and the help/support available should be given to the victim too. This would be invaluable if it had phone numbers and addresses for groups like Womans Aid,Womans Refuge etc. I am still amazed that I had the courage to ring 999 and get help from the Police. I didn't press charges as I didn't want my ex to lose his job nor to make him "look bad" in front of our children as well as I was not mentally strong enough to do it.

Addresses and phone numbers of domestic violence refuges have to be kept secret for obvious reasons so they couldn't be made available on leaflets.

Good luck for the future Poppyfox.

Very sorry and saddened to hear about your past experiences poppyfox. 

You certainly seem brave and courageous now.

Respect and admiration also goes out to you and wish you the very best and lot's of happiness for the future. 

Keep the positivity going and stay strong.

Thank you Freedom and Andrew!!

Freedom wrote:Addresses and phone numbers of domestic violence refuges have to be kept secret for obvious reasons so they couldn't be made available on leaflets.

Good luck for the future Poppyfox.

The thing with refuges is they are easily found i was in 2 in Scotland and my abuser found me,i was sent to one 20 minutes away from my house if the abuser cant find the refuge there is always someone tells them where it is.We had a woman come up from Manchester at 10pm one night by 6am the next day her hubby was outside side in his car,he was a Lawyer so he found her in no time although the police acted very fast and the woman was promptly moved.

Back then refuges did'nt have refuge workers living in,i believe that has now changed.

Andrew wrote:Very sorry and saddened to hear about your past experiences poppyfox. 

You certainly seem brave and courageous now.

Respect and admiration also goes out to you and wish you the very best and lot's of happiness for the future. 

Keep the positivity going and stay strong.

Poppyfox, having just read your story in today's postings, I am in awe at your bravery and resolve.  Andrew has expressed so well what I would want to say to you.
May the future for yourself and your son, poppyfox, be filled with harmony, love, and happiness.

TexMac wrote:

Andrew wrote:Very sorry and saddened to hear about your past experiences poppyfox. 

You certainly seem brave and courageous now.

Respect and admiration also goes out to you and wish you the very best and lot's of happiness for the future. 

Keep the positivity going and stay strong.

Poppyfox, having just read your story in today's postings, I am in awe at your bravery and resolve.  Andrew has expressed so well what I would want to say to you.
May the future for yourself and your son, poppyfox, be filled with harmony, love, and happiness.

I second this.

Your courage is awe-inspiring

poppyfox wrote:
My wee son and I are going to Portugal on 1st July so we have something good to look forward to. I hope to go to 5A and the Tapas bar just to see where this all began 8 years ago.

If you want to PM me I'll give you some pointers and references to maps and so on.
Peter

I just want to say a big Thank You Poe,TexMac,all as your kind words have left me with tears in my eyes. Kylie, the Womans Refuge I went to had cameras on the front door and it was locked at all times, you needed to speak to the staff on the intercom before you could get in. It's very sad that women have to go to these places to escape the monster in their own homes. I was lucky as my son was only 6 years old and thought it was a holiday we were on. My heart breaks for all victims still trapped in abusive relationships and their poor children watching on scared and confused. I am thankful that I had the courage to get out and to speak out but there are many still cowering terrified of the bully they sleep next to!!

Thank you

From Missing People web site
https://www.missingpeople.org.uk/about-us/work-for-us/current-vacancies/567-services-helpline-advisor-part-time-maternity-cover.html

Services Helpline Advisor (Part-time; Maternity Cover)

Missing People is seeking committed and passionate Services Helpline Advisors to join the Services staff on their central team providing the charity’s 24/7 frontline service.  This interesting and crucial role involves working alongside our team of volunteers. You will be trained and supported with development opportunities and welcomed into this friendly and dedicated team.

Location
South West London / We are based in leafy Mortlake – only 13 mins from Clapham Junction and 23 mins from Waterloo.

Contract
Part-time/Maternity Cover Fixed Term Contract

Hours
3 shifts (2 x 8 hour days and 1 x 10 hour night) in a rolling 9-day rota that will include days, weekends, evenings and nights helping us to cover our vital 24 hour service.
Bank staff - flexile hours also available.

Salary
£13,150 per annum (includes night allowance for one night).
Hourly rate £12.14 (£21,653 - £22,290 pro rata)
Potential to progress to the Services Supervisor role in 6 – 8 months

Get cycling !
Not one ha'penny will go towards finding a single missing person

and then we find
https://www.missingpeople.org.uk/about-us/who-we-are/our-finances.html

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2 MILLION quid, just to keep itself going !

CEO on £ 70k-£ 80k !     The Charity which never stops giving - to its own staff

Keep cycling and give generously !
It is almost as gross as PACT.

PeterMac, I agree: it is scandalous.
On top, I've read in the past years comments of people, who had a missing person and were completely ignored.
So what the heck are these people doing, apart from filling their own coffers?

IMO, of course ...

Châtelaine wrote:PeterMac, I agree: it is scandalous. . .
So  what the heck are these people doing, apart from filling their own coffers?
. . .

Meetings - with biscuits ! Very important people these CEOs

It's a growth industry:


Total Funds:
2011 : £ 1.935,661
2012: £ 1.991,277
2013: £ 2.510,911
2014: £ 2.225,157

I think the main income comes from the postcode lottery. I hope productivity has gone up in line with income?

Tigger wrote:It's a growth industry:  


Total Funds:
2011 : £ 1.935,661
2012: £ 1.991,277
2013: £ 2.510,911
2014: £ 2.225,157

I think the main income comes from the postcode lottery.  I hope productivity has gone up in line with income?

And of course the face of the Postcode Lottery is Fiona Phillips - yet another link back to the incestuous little world of GMTV.